When Stars Grow Dim (Part 2)

 

“It’s difficult to put into words how much I feel like I’ve already lost dad when he’s still here. So much of who he was has been replaced by a new reality that keeps changing, making the spark that once defined who he was seem only a flicker now. I know it’s also not easy to go through changes in one’s body and not have control over what happens next. All the things we take for granted can be taken away just like that, no preparation, no consolation, either. In the end, we are only left,  sometimes cruelly, with memories of what life once was, and no way to go back. Change is the only thing to look forward to, if only to improve our outlook through difficult days. Things get worse before they get better. Ultimately, people leave voids in our lives, and only time makes it easier to bear their loss. That is the only consolation we can ever hope to have as our ”better.” 

Walking in the the dark makes us appreciate the dawning of a new day

In dad’s final weeks, I didn’t know they were his last days - yet, there was that possibility. All year, I grieved him in different ways, and I stumbled upon the phrase “anticipatory grief” which fully explained what I couldn’t put into words until I wrote the above statement in January of 2020.  Diagnosed in 2018 with advanced diabetes type 2, and then cirrhosis caused by chronic hepatitis B, along with neuropathy and retinopathy, doctors still assured us dad was only minimally affected and could live for many more years, yet I wasn’t convinced.  I went through a cycle of doubt, then hope, then guilt at thinking the worst, and back to concern.  Then, it was when dad was finally hospitalized as his body started shutting down in November 2020 that I knew we were at a crossroads. Was this the beginning of a new setback season or was this the end? At first, I wasn’t ready to let dad go, and I told God that. But I also didn’t want to see him continually suffer because the doctors were trying to find any medical cure they could to explain his symptoms because at the time they didn’t know he was in end stage of organ failure from the neuropathy. I’m grateful that they were optimistic for his recovery, because dad kept fighting. That gave us time to be with him, at least in the beginning. Knowing that I’m somewhat repeating myself in my previous blog, but while that was a summary of what we went through, it gave me the push I needed to continue talking about our journey.

I have so many thoughts about what it was like to live through the pandemic year. And with all local restrictions in place in our city to keep patients and visitors and staff from outside germs, so spouses weren’t allowed overnight stays, and only one visitor per entire day was allowed. For over a week, mom went daily to be with him. The hospital wanted to make him stronger for transfer to a rehab facility, and when they called mom one morning, they let her know no visitors would be allowed the following day. She wasn’t feeling well, so she sent me instead. And I spend a whole afternoon with dad. It was truly a gift! 

After that, we could only talk via text, phone, or video chats. And then he coded and died for 6 minutes before they revived him and remained in a coma for a week, during which time they said he was slightly responsive and critical but stable. Which meant we still couldn’t visit him (unless they felt he wouldn’t make it). During that agonizing time, I had to give dad up to God, as much as I wasn’t ready to let dad go. He tested positive for COVID 19, was asymptomatic, but got put in isolation and given plasma and medication for treatment. When he had finished his quarantine and was still so weak, that’s when the hospital let us see him so we could meet with the palliative care team and start thinking about ending life support on a gradual basis. Only...dad woke up and was alert in response to our presence! It gave all of us some hope and kept us waiting on how much more he’d improve and if rehab would be the next step. He wanted us to visit again, but because he was doing so well compared to just days earlier, he was back to no visitors again.  In some ways, that part of his hospital stay was even more agonizing because he was in and out of sanity, wanting to talk to us whenever possible, but not always fully grasping where he was and had lots of hallucinations. And because hospital staff was stretched so thin, they weren’t always willing to help him call us, even though mom spent literally every minute of every night with the phone beside her, waiting on when he’d call. During that time, she started waking up in the middle of the night hearing him call out to her, and we know for sure he was in fact at least for some of that time awake and asking the nurses to dial mom but they would say to wait until morning.  But that entire last week of his life, she would wake up at 3 a.m. hearing him, except on the day he died. The only good in any of that week at all was that the nurses did let us schedule video chats in the evenings so that we talked to him at dinner time, including the night before his death. He had so many ups and downs, and doctors couldn’t decide if he would turn the corner and get strong enough to be transferred to a rehab facility, but finally in the last few days of his life, they said all they could do was keep him comfortable and they said that if he coded again it would be even more damaging on his body, so we let them take him out of ICU into a general room.  We still couldn’t see him because they wanted to see first if his kidneys would improve with dialysis.  He couldn’t really talk at that point, only nod and look at us from his phone screen.  He tried to speak, but because of being intubated twice and extubated twice, and unable to eat because of the risk of aspiration, he was weak and kept wanting to go back to sleep. 

That last conversation we had with him left me restless all night, so that first thing in the morning just as soon as I went to work, I called to set up my next chat only to find out he was barely hanging on and that we could go see him. They didn’t say “come now,” but they were allowing us to arrive when we could, saying he could go within the next day or so. But when we got there a few hours later, the hospital check-in nurses downstairs were grilling us with questions and asking me to put the doctor on the phone to confirm we were allowed to visit, when at that exact moment the doctor was calling me to say dad was coding and to hurry up, he only had a few minutes left.  We got ushered through and ran to the elevator to await the doctor who would escort mom, my daughter, and I to his room, and it was just the worst thing ever not knowing what to expect in those final minutes, and when we got to the door of the room, dad had already passed.  On my husband’s birthday, of all days.

Nothing could have prepared me for how haunting it was to stand there, looking at dad but never able to have him respond to us again.  To witness mom throw herself onto his chest, sobbing in agony.  To see my daughter kiss him on the forehead. And all I could do was briefly touch his arm, fumbling with saying “Oh Daddy, we love you” because I didn’t know what else to do I was so numb by everything.  Then I had to quickly make calls and send texts, including one to my husband who was outside parking the car, and my aunt and her husband who had been making their way to the hospital already.

Because of the pandemic, there was nowhere we could sit to privately grieve, so there we were outside dad’s room in chairs the doctor and chaplain brought to us for what seemed like hours when in reality it was maybe 45 minutes, during which time everyone took turns going to stand at his bedside, but I couldn’t bring myself to until finally mom insisted.  

The remainder of the day was spent making calls to everyone as we gathered at my parents’ house, and I realized it was only mom’s house now, and an emptiness pervaded my entire being that stayed with me for a long time. And my mind kept going back to what dad looked like, over and over.  I wanted to so much to be with all of our family and friends, but hardly anyone was able to be with us. Even when we planned out the funeral the next day, and chose to hold it where up to 50 people could attend over a week later, a total of 15 people showed up that date some staying, and some only there to pay their respects.  Had things been “normal” I know dad would have had a full room, and my heart ached at the injustice of it all.  How it felt like dad had been short-changed throughout his hospital stay and death, and beyond. But, oh, did we send him off well!  Dressed him in his best suit with his world’s best grandpa shirt hidden underneath and a beautiful casket with flowers he would have appreciated.  Played songs I know he would have wanted me to share. Conveyed stories of him that he would have wanted others to know.  His death shocked so many, including my mom, but for me, there was a certain peace and calmness that came over me the day of the funeral that helped me make it then and in the days since.  I wasn’t bitter about it, I didn’t blame anyone, and there was nothing but to appreciate the years I enjoyed with dad.  

What I didn’t expect after losing dad was to have an aversion to watching or seeing any images or video of hospitals, elevators, and music that he liked.  And because I look so much like dad, I even have had an aversion to seeing my own face in the mirror, and haven’t wanted to really be in any photos in months, because when I do, all I see is dad struggling to breathe in our last video chat, and dad on his death bed. It was music that first broke through my grief, though, and eventually I could use elevators again without feeling nauseated.  I’m still working through being able to not get triggered by medical settings and of not avoiding my reflection and mannerisms I have in common with dad.  I’ve had a few doctor appointments since, which were scary to go to at first, but I can’t yet watch forensic or crime shows or jump at the chance at visiting people in the hospital like I used to.  My zest for life came back within a month after dad died, and it wasn’t all that bad to visit his grave the few times I have so far.  But now that his headstone is just about ready for us to see, I have the comfort I have been seeking. I take joy in the glimpses of dad I catch in me, in my daughter, and my dad’s family. I even finally dreamed of dad this week, which I totally don’t think was a coincidence. He was a teen, receiving a hug from his baby sister, and in my dream, I was there, like a bystander, as if watching it play as a memory of his.  And maybe that’s what it was, as another gift to me that he’s ok, and as he remains at rest from this life, he is in his most carefree state, back to when he had first known mom and was surrounded by his family.  
The only other time I started to dream of dad was months ago, and just as he had started to enter a room and looked at me, he backed away and left and I woke up before I could fully see his face. I knew then that I wasn’t ready to experience his presence.  Maybe it is crazy of me to think that way, but I’m not prone to dreaming about people I miss, but I AM known for dreaming specific things with a point or things that turn out prophetic and I’ve had premonitions and waking visions before.  I don’t choose them - they choose me.  It’s why I never have dreamed of my grandparents or friends except my grandma Daphne the time I was about to go through a health struggle, and was given a day vision in which I was at a friend’s beside seeing her with her family when I needed closure after struggling with her death months after the fact.  So to have these dreams and visions is a gift I’d been waiting for.  My daughter had two dreams, both that held so much meaning and closure for right when she needed them - right when she was missing him, and then after we unexpectedly lost our cat.  Mom had a dream of dad too, but it was a bittersweet experience for her. I did have what seemed to be a day vision of dad…right before he died, as if he was searching the room - but I don’t know if he was looking for us, was seeing visions himself, or was finally telling God, “You win.” If anything, that vision was as haunting as my triggers.  But now that I’ve finally had my “gift,” I’ve had inexplicable joy, and I just know it was both a God and dad thing, because all last week I was miserable in thinking about how for the first time in my life my birth month was going to be void of any happiness for me. I’m happy to say I can claim that happiness back and be excited!  I know every experience from now on will be different, but I know that I won’t ever be alone, no matter where I go or who I’m with or not with. And that’s a beautiful thing! The stars aren’t as dim, and on this Mother’s Day I pray for all who are celebrating with their families or reliving memories of happier times.

In faith and love,

Natasha

When Stars Grow Dim (Part 1)

There are a lot of things I can say about 2020, but I never knew how much it would cost my family. Not only did the pandemic prevent us from seeing one another as much, but it also kept us from doing activities we had been looking forward to. Then there was my dad’s health, which usually necessitated doctor visits on a more regular basis, but suddenly he wasn’t deemed crucial so his appointments were postponed. Tragically, he spent the entire year on a sharp decline until finally we had to take him for a check up only to find he needed to be admitted in the hospital. Hours turned into days, and within that short space of time, he was faced with the last few weeks of his life without the doctors even realizing that that was the problem until it was too late. With the pandemic worsening, we lost the ability to visit him in person after his first week in the hospital. Then, his kidneys were shutting down and he tested positive for asymptomatic COVID-19, and then coded. When he was revived, he was in isolation in and out of a coma, and we still weren’t allowed to visit because doctors had high hopes that by dialysis his kidneys would improve and he could get strong enough to move to rehab. This thought changed daily, because then we were asked to come see him with the intention of taking him off life support, only to have him come to and be more like himself when we were there.

For the next two weeks, we were filled with hopes that he would slowly improve...but then he had another bad moment where he couldn’t breathe on his own again, and was weaker by the hour. At least at that point we could video chat with him, and he was out of his quarantine period, but it wasn’t the same. He wanted to come home, was confused, and asked about us when he could talk. And just when we had started getting into a video chat schedule and I had called to set up my next one, that’s when I was told we should come to the hospital. Only, when we did, we got held up my a million questions at the check in until the doctor called me and we had to put him on speaker phone to urge the check in nurses to let us meet him at the elevator. We made a mad dash through the halls, out of the elevator, and into Dad’s room...only to find he had just passed. There were a myriad of regrets, what-ifs, and heartaches on that day. It was also my husband’s birthday, one that none of us knew what to do about. In all, it was a sad set of circumstances that led us into a miserable few months of grief, shock, and confusion that only intensified when we suddenly had to put our cat to sleep in the bargain.  And now, recently, things have gotten better.

While I'm behind in getting my bearings again with writing goals, I have nevertheless persisted! And in between my day job, I’ve steadily made progress toward what I know Dad would want me to do next: finish my new book! And so I shall.

Until the next blog,

Natasha

Crossing the Racial Divide

What is it about non-whiteness that gets the most attention? Is it standing out against a vanilla sea? Doing things others aren’t comfortable doing or don’t understand because they can’t relate to? 

NO ONE likes a bully. And yet...

Every day, people get judged for what they look like - not just by their skin color, but also by what they wear.

In every classroom, is at least one person who doesn’t feel like he or she fits in with the rest.

All across the world, organizations may employ workers from all racial backgrounds, and still never really know much if anything about what life is like for their cultures, nor do they necessarily ask.

Assumptions run rampant, as do moods. People are quick to feel threatened or afraid. We come to expect certain things out of people - individuals or groups - sometimes without even realizing it altogether. Such stereotyping can be deadly because it minimizes a person’s individual worth and lumps them in with what we associate with bad outcomes. It’s not a new problem by any means - people from the Bible itself were quick to shun outsiders, and saw nothing wrong with employing them or even lower classes of their own people as servants. 

I’m a minority WITHIN a minority, and if that sounds confusing, welcome to my world. I’m not fully Southeast Asian Indian, but I check it off on all those annoying forms I constantly have to fill out at doctor’s offices and for my child’s schools anyway, along with White (even though I don’t look it) because otherwise I’d be checking almost every box.

And quite honestly, I detest those forms because they automatically discount the amazing blend of cultures I have within me. In some ways, it’s made it worse for my daughter, because at least both of my parents have similar ethnic ancestry between them, whereas my girl has only a fraction of those traits, what with my having married into “the average white family.” On the surface, she looks white to me, but feels far from that herself, and actually the older she gets, the more she is asked if she is partly Southeast Asian or some other non-white race, and she is torn with what to identity with.

The thing is, when I look at my beautiful daughter, I see the best parts of her dad and I, along with traits from other relatives down the line, all melded together. But anything “White” is assumed by outsiders to be from her dad. For example, her thick, dark hair with reddish highlights can be attributed not just to being a mix of my Indian hair to match my husband’s Scottish ancestors, but my own Scottish ancestors, along with help from my German, Italian, and even Portuguese roots, too!

I really wish our ancestors of each ethnicity had passed down their culture and not just their physical features, so I could understand the people they come from. Only a few of them passed down their stories, some even with photos, but so many questions yet remain. To clear up some of those mysteries and find clues on where to find records of my ancestors’ existence so I can keep working on my family tree, I took one of those DNA analysis tests and discovered so much more than I would have ever imagined I would. Just listen to these statistics:

According to 23andMe, 56% of my relatives are likely to have red hair (further proving the fact about my daughter’s locks!).

Also, 99% of my relatives are likely to have British or Irish ancestry. 99%!

64.6% of me is classified as Central and South Asian, broken down further into 1-20% from various parts of India, Pakistan, and Sri Lanka.

28% of me is European. No surprise, of course, considering my maiden name is German, after all. What WAS surprising was how little German I actually have - only 0.7% mixed in with French. Overall, my British and Irish ties are the majority of my European ancestry, followed by Northwestern European, and to a lesser extent, some Southern and Eastern European.

Some final twists - I have 3.5% East Asian and Native American, including Chinese, plus 1.1% West Asian and North African, with yet 2.8% left to identify, but that last number shrinks a little every time my results get updated. So, you could say, I am linked to pretty much all nations in one way or another! 

I mention all this to make another valid point. All my DNA is loosely split 50/50 between my parents, with some variance depending on whose side had more of certain ethnicities than the other. But right off the bat, my 64% Asian is really only 20-30% in my parents, and only 20-10% in my grandparents, until we get to the generation where the Indian married the Anglican, and had children. This plays out in different areas of my tree, some of which are still not fully known. What I do know is, all four of my grandparents and their parents were light-skinned, and I have some cousins who are pale enough to look white to an average observer. But, then, how can I justify calling myself “East Indian” or “Indian,” or “Asian,” even “White?” Yet that is what people expect me to do.

When you live in the same country or region for all or a good part of your life, as I have, you identify with it as a national, with habits and behaviors to match the locals. Eventually, you lose sight of where you come from, until you identify it solely in terms of color. And just as White can mean more than one nationality, so can Asian, Black, and Hispanic. Thus, you begin to lose a part of who you are for the sake of fitting in somewhere, unless your family has passed down specific culture practices and mindsets down to you to live out. What I’ve come to realize in recent years, and definitely from reading the book White Awake, is that I’ve been primarily raised White - White American, to be exact. And it’s ironic how that happened, too, considering my parents were both immigrants from India who definitely didn’t fully adapt in that exact same way. They still posses traces of British English, both from their land of birth and from the years we spent living in New England. I usually tend to forget I’m a minority, especially in a room with Caucasians, until someone reminds me. Until recent years, I thought that was a good thing, because it just meant I was finally comfortable with who I was.

I have found that picking up habits from other cultures is not particularly hard to do or learn, if you really want to - I did it twice in going with my parents to India as a child and as a teen. I had embraced what my parents and their families refer to as their Anglo-Indian culture, and had to work hard to become “American” again each time that we returned. And to me, that meant being White, not Anglo-Indian. Also switching our location from East Coast to Midwest changed me further over the years, so that now, most people never would guess I was ever born in Boston. Plus, I’ve also been exposed to a whole gamut of nationalities and other cultures I didn’t initially grow up around, which today has constantly shaped and reshaped my awareness and appreciation for them. The common denominator for such assimilation is my relationships with people outside of my culture (White, Indian, and Anglo-Indian) which is why I’m not uncomfortable around any of them now, and I continue to take strides to that end so I don’t let myself hold back in fear or ignorance just because people are different. As a minority, I know what it feels like to be singled out, told to be with "my own kind" (whatever THAT was?!), and having to endure being talked to in languages I don't even speak because it was assumed I would know what was being said, and I don’t want to do that to anyone else.

That’s why I appreciate that White Awake deals with the topic of diversity with such honesty and sensitivity needed that everyone ought to read and put into practice if they want to truly make a positive impact in this world. Going to church helps. Being part of a diverse work culture is important. Having neighbors and school contacts from all walks of life is the essence of community. 

If we don’t know the people around us, how well can we ever truly serve them in their time of need?

Join the discussion for White Awake by Daniel Hill!

Tackling a Controversial Topic in the Church: A.D. Britten’s A Soul Unbroken, the Interview

A.D. Britten is a gay Christian author whose writings are aimed at establishing awareness of the LGBT+ community for acceptance among the church. For many who are raised with traditional views, homosexuality is taboo to discuss and considered inherently bad. What’s worse is that countless people of the church who come out to their loved ones as gay in hopes of finding unconditional love, often are ostracized by them and as well as within their place of worship, so they have no choice but to leave the church entirely.

N: What was the inspiration behind your book (A Soul Unbroken)?

AB: This story had an unusual beginning. The story takes place in central Indiana which is where I am from.  Awhile back, there were some demographic changes going on at the time and some people voiced concerns that some things that were outside of local culture were going on such as male prostitution.  Around this same time, there was a news story about a local guy who did engage in that profession.  I just thought it was ironic that some people were saying that new was coming into the community, when that thing was actually already there.  Besides, that the book was also a way to deal with issues. 

N: Which character do you identify with personally? If not, have you ever known someone like any of the characters you portrayed?

AB: I identify with the main character mostly, although I have not been in the profession that he spends a good deal of this young adult life in, but certain aspects of his life I can identify with in certain ways. 

N: When did you first become a Christian?

AB: I became a Christian in two stages. The first was when I attending a small Christian school when I was a kid. I initially accepted Christ then when I was 7. But I did not have a strong concept of what it meant to be a Christian. So when we eventually stopped going to that school and started going to public school I stopped praying, because I thought prayer was like homework and only mattered when going to a religious school.  I know that sounds silly, but there it is.

The second time was when I was in college, and I went to a church and accepted Christ and really had a better understanding of what it meant to be a Christian.

N: Do you consider yourself more of an optimist or pessimist?

AB: I am an optimist.  I think I’d have to be to write what I do.

N: When do you find the time to write?

AB: That can be difficult, but I tend to find time usually on the weekend.

N: What’s something you like about going to church?

AB: I enjoy the sermons, the music, and meeting with friends. I'm not really an extroverted person. So church has been a place to easily make friends and find activities to get involved in.

N: Favorite city?

AB: London

N: If you had three wishes, what would they be?

AB: The same old wish for world peace, but also, a life partner and inner peace.

N: Who inspires you the most (in real-life or a fictional character)?

AB: That’s a tough question; I’d have to get back with you on that one.

N: Where do you see yourself in the next ten years?

AB: Living abroad, married, writing a lot more, and fulfilling my life goals.

N: What was your favorite book as a kid?

AB: I really don’t remember.

N: Name some hobbies you enjoy.

AB: Music, reading, watching movies.

N: What are you working on next?

AB: I recently completed a short story and posted it online on Booksie. The next writing project would be probably be another short story, but I’m not certain which idea to work on first.

N: Do you have a favorite quote or saying?

AB: Take care of yourself.

A.D. Britten is an author of various short stories, poems, and articles, among other writings.  A Soul Unbroken: A Journey the author's second book. 

Find more about A.D. Britten at:

https://tinyurl.com/adbritten

How Child Advocates, Inc. is Breaking the Cycle of Child Abuse in Indianapolis

Cindy K. Booth, Esq.

Chief Executive Officer, Child Advocates, Inc.

For the last several weeks, life as we know it has been altered forever by the COVID-19 pandemic. Here in Indiana, except for essential services, the majority of businesses had to switch to working remotely or otherwise close in order to keep its citizens safe. But what about children in foster care? They still need to be regularly monitored to ensure their safety and well-being - especially now. I checked in with my friends at Child Advocates, Inc., and was graciously granted an interview with the agency’s Chief Executive Officer, Cindy K. Booth.

N: Before we begin, I’d like to let my readers know about the unfortunate loss of your colleague Nikita who passed away unexpectedly last year. She was a great lady with a kind heart and whose shoes are undoubtedly hard to fill! How have you and your staff been coping since? 

CB: Thank you. It was difficult, as she was a favorite for so many people, and continues to be missed. We dedicated all of last year’s events to her memory.

NOTE TO READERS: I had the pleasure of knowing Nikita through the agency’s holiday toy drives for 2015 and 2016.

N: How has the quarantine impacted the work of Child Advocates - with staff as well as the children you serve?

CB: It was a challenge when everything started to shut down, including the courts and our office, but there were still foster children who needed to be monitored throughout Marion County. Eventually, we started doing things on more of a virtual basis, like with Zoom calls, so that we can check in with the kids as well as staff and other contacts. Overall, the shift to doing things more on a virtual basis has been one positive that we are glad to implement as part of what we do, even when everything opens back up again.

N: In looking back to when life was “normal” in 2019, you received the 19th Annual Mayor’s Celebration of Diversity for Leadership in Diversity Award. Congratulations on such an honor! What has the accolade meant to you? 

CB: Thank you! I’ve always felt it important to bring awareness to the problem of racism, and the award really reflects on how well our staff and volunteers serve the children. So, while I appreciate the award, I care more about what it means for the agency itself and what we have been able to accomplish, through the education offered in our regularly scheduled class series Interrupting Racism for Children.

N: Tell us about a teacher/mentor who set you on your present path? 

CB: My mentors in the Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) and Not-for-Profit world were and are the female directors of other large, urban CASA programs around the country.  I met them early on and we continued to encourage, inspire, and hold each other accountable via regular contact and at least one in person meeting each year.  They are examples of strong women leaders and it is always great to be with them.

N: Before the COVID-19 pandemic, what would you say was your greatest challenge in working for Child Advocates, Inc.? 

CB: Helping people understand what we do and the nature of our work in breaking the cycle of child abuse. So much of it is confidential because it happens behind closed (court) doors, so it’s hard to describe in just a sentence or two. 

N: Do you consider yourself a dreamer or a doer? 

CB: I would say I do dream a little, as that is part of being a visionary leader, but I also like to tackle a project or issue with action.

N: Describe your typical day (in and out of the office). 

CB: I do a lot of things, both in and out of the office, and I like to keep busy. I devote much of my time to various meetings, which I’m able to do more of without the extra driving time needed, thanks to Zoom conferencing. When at the office, I typically have an open-door policy, to encourage staff to reach out and ask any questions they might have.

N: How has working in the non-profit sector, particularly with children, changed how you view the world? 

CB: I’m impressed by how many people want to help children even before they have ever met them.

N: What advice to do you have for anyone interested in volunteering as a CASA? 

CB: Our website has a good section on what it means to be a CASA.   I also suggest interested community members participate in an Info Session.  We are doing those virtually now.  The Info Session does a good job of explaining in real terms what a CASA does.  Our Volunteer and Juvenile Court teams value and appreciate volunteers and want to ensure the volunteer opportunity is a good match.

N: Are there other causes or charities you support? 

CB: In addition to Child Advocates, anything to do with animals.

N: What do you do for fun? 

CB: Walking (including dog-walking!) and reading.

N: If you possessed a super power, what would it be? 

CB: Well…my fun answer would be flying. But if I had a super power that solves a world problem, it would be the ability to make sure children are free from abuse.

N: What’s your strategy for getting to know your staff/volunteers as well as the children you serve? 

CB: I keep the connection to staff and volunteers through Zoom meetings now, but normally, I meet with people in person.

N: How many events per year does Child Advocates Inc. hold? How many have you had to cancel or reschedule? 

CB: We host a total of 4 types of events per year (including multiple day offerings per month of Volunteer Intro sessions and the Interrupting Racism for Children class), all of which have either been cancelled, offered virtually, or pushed back to later this fall. One that will still be happening as scheduled in July is our Child Fair, but it will be altered to follow the CDC and local governance guidelines. In years past, this was a carnival-type community event held in the Child Advocates, Inc. parking lot, with plenty of games and other activities, and every child received back packs and school supplies for the new school year. This year, however, the families we serve will be invited to attend a drive thru event where they will receive back packs filled with school supplies. Thanks to the many generous donors who have helped make that possible for us to continue doing, even without the “fair!”  The other event that will happen for sure will be our annual holiday toy drive in December. 

N: In your experience, how have your past jobs prepared you for your current role?

CB: Having used to be a music teacher before starting with the agency, I’ve often said how being here is like leading an orchestra or band.

N: Do you have any professional or personal goals you’d like to accomplish within the next 5 years? 

CB: Retirement! Professionally, it will involve empowering the next level of leaders so they’re ready to advance by then. After I retire, I have plans to keep busy on some projects that may center around teaching in some way, but without having to grade papers!

N: What’s your favorite quote or saying? 

CB: I actually have two quotes: 

“Whatever you are, be a good one.”  -  Abraham Lincoln

“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” – Theodore Roosevelt

To learn more about Child Advocates, Inc. visit:

http://childadvocates.net

The Writing Life in Quarantine

It's become our reality. This odd, ever-changing and isolated existence in which we are limited in how and what we do. In my household, school was temporarily on hiatus while waiting out the COVID-19 outbreak. Unfortunately, that also meant my daughter's international trip with orchestra was also in question, and since then, the decision was made to cancel it completely. The trip was supposed to have been last week. The nine months spent preparing for her adventure has made it painful for us to mention it, as we have no idea if it will even be rescheduled for a later time and if when it does, if it would be before she finishes her senior year, which - gulp - is a year and a half away already! We shall be empty-nesters in the blink of an eye.

So what have I been doing during this quarantine? You'd think that for all the time I now have on my hands that I'd be writing book galore, and as much as I wanted to do that, I've faced all kinds of ill-timed issues. One being that my mind won't always cooperate with or without my family around. Then there are some aches and pains that seem to point to arthritis. And the biggest hurdle that frustrates me to no end is the irony of so many more people working from home has often jammed the server for Microsoft 365 so that I can't always save what I'm trying to type. To combat this, I've had to either wait it out or save to a new version and go back to the old at a later time. Not exactly convenient, and many a time my inspiration has waned as a result. As much as technology has made it easier to do a lot more from home and be in touch with others, it certainly has its draw-backs!

What I have been doing is...lots of coloring by number on my iPad. It calms my mind and reminds me of the many happy times I spent doing oil paintings by number as a kid. I loved those things! Surprisingly, I've not read all that much, although I get in jags and sometimes can't get enough of books, and at other times I switch to watching movies or shows or YouTube videos. This week has just been for coloring, some gaming, and household chores (as my energy permits). I also used my new Cedar-O mop on the kitchen floor with rave results, and between actually mopping and shooing the cat away from the floor and the bucket, it was quite the workout! I've had some really great conversations with family and friends, and went outside a bit to enjoy the sunshine.

Looking ahead is something I've thought less and less about doing these days. I'm living in the moments in front of me, and the Bible's wisdom on just that very thing has always been out of my realm of ability to do until now. Today has enough trouble of its own, I need to focus on what I can do now and not later. I appreciate that more than ever, especially when I start to feel blue. Oh, and there's coffee. Tea, also. Some days both, and lots of food I've felt in the mood for. Memes that keep cropping up are funny and relatable - and on the same token, brutally painful acknowledgements of all the habits that make us tick!

Here's wish a good and healthy day to all - and we be shaped into better versions of ourselves as the rest of this year unfolds.

Peace and love,

Natasha

What's with The Barbie Girls Project?

If you've been following me on social media (outside of this blog), you may already be familiar with one of my hobbies - The Barbie Girls Project.  It's something I mention in my bio, and I regularly post content on my Facebook page.  Or, you may have seen pictures and videos on Instagram and had no idea what was going on.

Barbies Have Always Meant Something to Me

For as long as I can remember, Barbie dolls have always been a part of my life in some way.  My very first Barbie was given to me when I was just six years old, and for the longest time, I had only a handful of dolls.  There was something about their unique sense of style, accessories, and overall appeal that endeared me to them, despite the fact that they looked nothing like me!  Maybe that's why I took to them as I did?  Whatever it was, I eventually had a pretty big collection by the time I was eight years old, when I was visiting India for the first time to meet my extended family.  Back then, Barbie was just arriving in the country that same year, so no one had ever seen the doll before, and I can't tell you how many men, women, and children found the doll interesting.  I've mentioned it in more detail in Rebranded by Faith and also in my article Giving Wisely: Helping the Underprivileged, One Child at a Time.  And, when the opportunity arose, I gave away two dolls to two friends I'd made.  Their reactions changed my life.  It wasn't until I became a mom that I found a way to recreate that experience with my daughter.

Donations Received

Over the years, I'd estimate we've collected and donated close to 500 dolls - all to needy girls in our local area.  The thing is, now more than ever, I'm committed to donating Barbies, because I continually see how many little girls still find joy in playing with Barbie dolls.  Moreover, adults are just as eager about this because they usually contact me, desperate to regift their dolls long left boxed up like a scene right out of the Toy Story movie franchise.  In this month alone, I've heard from folks at least once a week, all asking me questions about what to do with their dolls, and if I can do something with them, or give them suggestions.

For a little show-and-tell, here's a highlight video:

So the next time you see any mention of Barbie dolls, now you'll know!  And if ever you'd like to help the cause or spread the word, feel free to drop us a line.  Many thanks to everyone who help continue making this possible!